Sunday, June 03, 2012

Withnail & I & Zombies

Quoth Dr. George, June 2nd, 2012:

"Withnail & I. In 1993. Withnail is a lonely yet content middle school theater teacher. I is a barely employed actor working bit parts in soaps and the occasional commercial. A random encounter, followed by a series of unpredictable and wacky events, finds them on the road to Monty's farm house. But what they find when they get to the once idyllic English countryside will change their perceptions of themselves, as friends and as men, forever. Run with it, lads. My vote's for Zombies."

Quoth Burton:

"If Bruce Robinson hadn't sworn never to touch those characters again, I'd pitch that to his agent. And Withnail is a zombie, obviously, having drunk himself to death approximately four hours after the end of the first film."

Quoth me:

"Monty is long dead, but his obese, mostly-decayed bulk roams the countryside. His ragtag band of suspiciously well dressed, former Eton-attending zombie-chums are surprisingly tolerated by the still-living, not-infected Penrith inhabitants because the Monty Unholy Army only seeks out sensitive young gentlemen. I is still on his radar, but a well placed blunderbuss shot to his crotch dampens Monty's ardour.

Withnail is bitten early in the film but it causes relatively little change in his demeanour. Years of bitterness at not being a well respected actor have shot his digestive system (ulcers) compelling him to become vegetarian. He has no appetite for brains. They band together to defeat the zombies, steal their booze and good clothes, and barter the newly found swag into earning enough dosh to put on Hamlet. Withnail will be Gertrude. I will play The Dane. The half-animated corpse of a local barmaid will play Ophilia, in chains.

Oh, and Danny the drug dealer? Immune to the zombie virus due to overmedication back in the day. Now runs a small Bed and Breakfast in Chichester. Abstinent for decades, he keeps in touch with the boys by cell phone and promises them cake and tea if they make it out alive.

Fit Basil Fawlty into this script somewhere and damn. I'll invest in it."

June, 2012


Patti said...

Anywhere Basil Fawlty is, I'm there.

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