Thursday, September 01, 2011

Greener pastures and bodily harm

The further adventures of Ellis, a friend possessed of a dry wit and a healthy sense of the ridiculous. Monday morning’s email missives went like this, more or less verbatim:

Ellis: In the Middle Ages, Monday was usually the day each week when the serfs & bondsmen (i.e., peasants) spent the day working the Lord’s fields instead of their own. So the ‘I hate Mondays’ sentiment is nothing new. On Friday, we found out that Dimitri from Accounting is leaving Exchequer for greener pastures. Today, he shows up with a sprained ankle. Coincidence? You be the judge.

Me: Er…were these ‘greener pastures’ expanded upon by Dimitri, something like “I’m leaving Exchequer to take a new job at Kingston Empire?” Or did the powers that be just encourage him to limp towards the aforementioned greener pastures all by himself? I thought you were supposed to twist somebody’s arm to get them to leave, not their ankle…

Ellis: Nope, no idea where he’s off to; I need to check the HR policies for the bit about them breaking my limbs if I try to leave.

Me: I can see it now, the plotting amongst HR minions:

‘Hey - Ellis got another job.'

‘Competitor, or different industry?’

 ‘Entirely different.’

‘Okay. He’s a decent enough guy. Just in-grow one of his toenails on his last day and send him my best.’
Leaping topics, I caved and got an iPhone package for Abby and I. I still don’t understand the cult of Apple, and I miss being able to work around something if I don’t know how it works (such as accessing pages directly rather than being bounced to their mobile site), and the lack of flash support is depressing. But the apps are useful. Even the free ones are pretty good. It has an effective GPS, lets me download the Globe, the Star, the Post and Newsweek for offline reading, takes a decent photo, lets me do face-to-face video chat with Abby, surfs the web easily and quickly, has great sound quality as an iPod and plays videos quite nicely. You also have an iPhone so perhaps you can answer my question; can it make toast?
Ellis: Yes. Yes, it can. Go to the App Store and search on the word ‘toast’. Second hit is for an app called 'More Toast!' which allows you to make virtual toast (including bagels!) on your iPhone. With a variety of toppings.

Me: (after checking out the app) …oh my goodness gracious Lord. Somebody’s getting paid for this.

Ellis: Only 99 cents. It’s rated very highly. Apparently, as far as toast-making applications go, it’s quite good. And don’t roll your eyes at me. I wanted corn flakes.

Sept, 2011


Patti said...

It makes ... toast.


I am without words.

Also without toast.

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