Friday, December 10, 2004

A ma ricordi

...which is "I remember" in Italian. Sort of. 'A ma ricordi' is part of the Italian dialect in the area where Federico Fellini grew up. He remembers it being prouncced 'Amacord', which is the name of a film he made about his childhood.

A ma ricordi or Amacord both represent "I remember", through a gentle wave of pronunciation. Maybe preference. Even in the term, we choose (or are compelled) to remember through a gauze of ourselves. And thus is Christmas, 2004.

I work for a large company to remain nameless, in downtown Toronto. And I work in a complex which I visited frequently as a child, for the view. A long view of Toronto from a high tower. Perhaps not frequently. But resonantly. I would not have remebered the visits here were I not working here, and suddenly see my childhood surrogate wandering some since-changed hallways. I probably looked at the adults and though 'I could work here, someday', and forgot about it for decades before ending up here. A quirk of fate.

It's Christmas and clammy. Wet and cold and gunmetal grey, which to its credit at least makes the bright decorations stand out. The colours work for their status, and are actually appreciated against the grey sky. It's a retro year- pressed glass ornaments in the shape of cars and sleds and more or less anything, a style popular in the 1930's because they were new and cheap. 75 odd years later, it's new again.

I like my job. I am better off on numerous levels for it, especially given the last few years which I have, until recently, been too busy living through. And did. And would not want to repeat. But if I am on the other side it is uncharitable to look upon them as somehow less than where I am now, but still...I was too busy living them. I can see them now on a grey morning in Toronto and the minutae of those hours/days plays against the season. I know what led to today. I know I would rather deal with it clinically, but the shapes of swirling, slippery, of their own accord and land where and when they wish.


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